“Blimey, you’re all fired up, ain’t ya? Ready to take on some dodgy task like some sort of superhero. Could be a job thing, or maybe you’ve fancied yourself a good Samaritan. Either way, you know it’s as risky as a barefoot run through a lego minefield. Then, out of the blue, someone close to you gets their knickers in a twist. Green-eyed monster’s got a grip on ’em, tighter than a miser on his last quid. It’ll knock you for six, make no mistake. You’ll need a proper chinwag with yourself about this when you’ve got a tick. “Here’s a laugh: your lucky charm is a walnut. Yeah, you heard right. A walnut. Don’t ask me why, maybe the universe just fancies having a giggle. Just remember to not sit on it, wouldn’t want you cracking your nuts, would we?”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!