Oi! Wakey-wakey, sunshine! You’re buzzing around like a blue-arsed fly this morning, ain’t ya? You need a change of scenery more than a hungover bloke needs a bacon sarnie. Stuck in the office, are ya? Fancy playing hooky, do ya? But your moral compass is spinning like a one-legged duck in a whirlpool, ain’t it? Got a big decision to make, haven’t ya? Well, stop faffing about, have a chinwag with a few mates, and then strut your stuff like you’re the queen’s corgis. By the way, your lucky charm for the day is a teabag. Don’t ask why, it’s just your cup of tea! Just remember, it’s all fun and games until someone gets a Tetley in the eye.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!