Don’t be gobsmacked if your day kicks off with all the energy of a sloth on sedatives. You might reckon it’ll plod on like a royal procession, but hold onto your knickers, love. By lunchtime, you’ll find yourself juggling surprise tasks like a circus clown on Red Bull. Expect a curveball from a lone ranger type who usually wouldn’t ask for help if they were knackered and knee-deep in quicksand. It’ll throw you off your stride, like finding the Queen Mum in your local chippy! And for a bit of charm, remember this: the number 7 is your lucky talisman today. Why 7? Well, it’s the number of gin and tonics it takes to make this horoscope even remotely bearable, darling!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!