Blimey, you may find your plans bollocksed up like a dog’s dinner, but don’t throw a wobbly, darling. Use this cock-up as an opportunity to lay the groundwork for your future. You know, like stocking up on gin and therapy. Take a moment to have a proper chinwag with your brain, and don’t be shy about asking for advice. There’s a whole host of people around you just itching to stick their oar in. So, put down your pint, listen to their two penn’orth and then do whatever the hell you were going to do anyway. And here’s your lucky charm: a four-leaf clover. But remember, it’s about as much use as a chocolate teapot without a dash of good old-fashioned grit and gumption. Now, go show ’em what you’re made of, you cheeky sod.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!