Blimey, you’re flapping about like a headless chicken, trying to please every Tom, Dick, and Harry. You’re so eager to be everyone’s cup of tea, you’ve got yourself all arse over tit! Take a gander at what others might think or feel, as though you haven’t got enough on your plate. But oh, wait for it – plot twist! As the day toddles on, someone flips the script and tells you you’re the dog’s bollocks. Well, ain’t that a turn up for the books! And here’s your lucky charm: a pork pie. Not because it’s particularly lucky, but because who doesn’t love a good pork pie? Plus, it’s a cracking excuse to skip the diet.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!