Right, brace yourself mate, ’cause today’s gonna be as bumpy as a ride in a Reliant Robin with a flat tyre. Your mate might start acting like they’ve got their knickers in a twist, but don’t you fret. Just ’cause you’re having a bit of a lover’s tiff doesn’t mean you have to start bawling like a contestant on The X Factor. Now, the birds and the bees might be buzzing harder than a vibrator in a beehive, so toss aside any old squabbles with your dodgy mates like a used teabag. Some daft sod might start flapping their gums, spouting a load of old tosh they don’t really mean. They’re probably as clueless as a dog at a disco, so don’t you worry your pretty little head. Your other half, bless ’em, really digs your company – probably ’cause you’re as entertaining as a clown at a funeral. So, pull out all the stops and set up an evening of romance that’ll have ’em grinning like a Cheshire cat on catnip. As for your lucky charm, it’s a pair of old socks – about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but who knows, they might just bring you a bit of luck. After all, you’re going to need all the help you can get, especially if your romance game is as weak as a one-legged donkey in a kickboxing competition.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!