Listen up, you malleable numpty! If you manage to unglue your eyes from the latest episode of Love Island and adapt to the catastrophes kicking off around you, you might just stumble upon a shiny new road in your so-called ‘career’ or social shindigs. But, my dear, if you keep banging your head against the wall to make something happen that’s as likely as the Queen twerking at Trooping the Colour, you’ll end up throwing away more hours and effort than a sloth in a spinning class. Your lucky item? A rubber duck. Why? Well, even if your life’s going down the drain, at least you’ll have some charming, squeaky company.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!