Listen up, you social sloth! Time to haul your solitary self into the wild world of togetherness, and I’m not just talking about a tea party with your cat! Whether you’re clocking in at the office or slumming it on your sofa, it’s time to pimp yourself out to anyone waving an invite your way. Remember, there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’, but there is one in ‘idiot’ if you think you can do it all alone. Your lucky charm is a piece of stale toast – it’s hard, crusty and a bit like you, but slather a bit of butter on it and it’s not half bad. Just remember to eat it before you brush your teeth, unless you fancy the taste of minty bread in the morning, you weirdo.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!