Buckle up, buttercup, you’re about to get lost faster than a fart in a fan factory. There’s an aura of enchantment around this cockamamie trip of yours. Grab this golden goose by the neck and start an escapade more thrilling than a pensioner on a rollercoaster. Prepare to paint the town red in a city so posh, it makes the Queen look like a chav. Embrace experiences as fresh as a daisy in a cow pat. As a bit of a bonus, your lucky item is a map, because let’s be honest, you couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag with a torch and a set of directions. So hold onto that like it’s the last pint at a free bar. Good luck, you’ll need it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!