Well, well, well, aren’t you feeling a tad perky, mate? Your noggin and carcass both seem to be on some sort of mysterious high. Alright, don’t get your knickers in a twist, it’s probably just a flash in the pan, a one-off, a two-minute wonder. You haven’t got a bloody clue what’s got your spirits dancing the can-can, have you? But hey, you old sly fox, you’re clever enough to milk it for all it’s worth while the going’s good. So sit back, enjoy the ride, and try not to fall off your unicorn, you plonker. And here’s your fortune cookie wisdom for the day: “Your lucky colour is neon green.” Yes, you heard it right – neon bloody green. It’s as subtle as a sledgehammer, so don’t you dare start moaning when people mistake you for a radioactive cucumber. Now go on, paint the town green and watch them all squint!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!