Today’s gonna feel like you’re trying to read a takeaway menu in a power cut, love. You’re in for a bit of a wobble, ain’t ya? You’ll find yourself stuck with changes comin’ your way like pigeons after a bag of chips. Could be your job’s gone tits up, or maybe you’ve just realised your life’s on a course less appealing than a plate of jellied eels. Those dreams you once had, darling? About as useful now as a chocolate teapot. Lucky phrase for you: ‘Duck and dive’. It’s like the East End version of dodgeball, innit? Might save you from a few of those unwanted changes. Or at least give you a giggle as you try to swerve life’s curveballs.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!