There’s a bloke or bird in your life, ain’t there? One of those who, despite having the charm of a sloth on sedatives, somehow manages to make you light up like Blackpool Illuminations. It’s a mystery, innit? Like why the missus keeps buying skimmed milk when everyone knows it’s just white water. Now, this person, they’re about as generous as a Yorkshireman in a round, but you don’t seem to give a monkey’s. You’re just chuffed to bits with the measly crumbs of joy they toss your way, like a pigeon pecking at a discarded kebab. You’re a mystery, my friend, a right royal enigma. If I were you, I’d keep hold of a rabbit’s foot for a bit of luck. Not that it was very lucky for the rabbit, mind you. After all, it ended up footless, didn’t it?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!