Pull that stick out of your arse, will ya? Time to live a little, mate. Stop being as tight as a duck’s arse in water, and loosen those bloody reigns. Might be worth having a mate drag you into some tomfoolery you’d usually dodge like a politician avoiding taxes. As for your lucky charm, it’s a pint of lager. Not because it’s going to bring you luck, but because after a few, you might not give a toss about being unlucky.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!