Well slap my bum and call me Shirley, your sunshine-and-rainbows outlook is as contagious as a norovirus in a winter cruise ship. Your mates, bless ’em, are gobsmacked by your knack for spouting off practical advice, as if you’ve swallowed an IKEA manual but it’s been translated by Lewis Carroll. In your private life and your jobby job, you’ll have more backup than a constipated elephant for any cockamamie scheme you’ve cooked up that you couldn’t handle on your tod. Now here’s a lucky charm for you: a horseshoe. But be careful, darling, it’s not from any old horse – it’s from a unicorn. Polished it myself. You never know, it might give your ideas a bit more sparkle. Just remember, if anyone asks where you got it, you didn’t hear it from me. I may be helpful, but I’m not running a bloody mythical creature black market.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!