Blimey, 2025 seems to be the year where you’ll have a bit of a kick up the arse, doesn’t it? You’re set to be as busy as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest, initiating changes as drastic as a vegan in a butcher’s shop. God knows whether you’re tossing out some dodgy habit like picking your nose in public or picking up a new one like yoga (God help us all). The crux of the biscuit is, you’re going for a life that’s as clear as a pint of lager, as satisfying as a full English after a night out, and as peaceful as a Sunday morning lie-in. Lucky charm: A tea bag. Because, let’s face it, you’re going to need all the bloody help you can get. And if all else fails, at least you can make a decent cuppa.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!