Look here, darling, it’s the jolly season of Christmas, alright? So, let’s avoid the bloody boring topics like politics, religion and culture. I mean, who on earth wants to listen to Auntie Mabel’s views on Brexit over a mince pie? Instead, focus on the delightful debaucheries and questionable traditions you share with your clan. If your family is as delightful as a root canal without anaesthetic, then maybe think about throwing a festive shindig for friends, neighbours, or those poor sods you work with. And here’s a cheeky tip: Always keep a sprig of mistletoe handy. You never know when you might need a convenient excuse to kiss the postman, or a lucky escape from Granny’s dentures!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!