Well, love, your ticker’s full to bursting with joy, innit? Don’t give a toss about the others and their highfalutin opinions. Christmas, that’s the time for tolerating bloody family and pretending to like your mates. Just be you, all the warts and all. Embrace the chaotic mess that you are and start appreciating the absolute circus that’s life. Cock-ups? Just laugh ’em off and make a right exhibition of yourself when you do something remotely successful. Lucky charm for you: A chipped teacup. Yeah, it’s a bit like you – flawed, a bit gnarly, but still holding it together. Plus, it’s a smashing excuse to pour more tea (or gin, no judgement here).

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!