Astrological Dating

We all know what it feels like to be disappointed and let down by a date we thought would hit the high note. They showed up bad mannered, irresponsible, unable to keep their word, and badly dressed. It is hard enough dealing with everyday life let alone having to accept a rude date! We all have our weaknesses and if a bad date touches one of ours, it can hurt. But how would our Astro Club deal with a no-good date? Would they be ready to do an outright deal break?

ARIES

This sun sign is “number one” so delay a promised telephone appointment and you will find Aries going airborne. Aries likes to be well treated; anyone who ignores eclipses or is impolite to them will get short shrift. Additionally, Aries will leave a half-hearted, cynical love potential faster than a cat out of hell! Deal breaking is considered acceptable when a date acts superior, indifferent or refuses to comment on how fit they are!

TAURUS

Don’t do “airy fairy” if you want Taurus on your side. Turning up to dates looking like a sixties flower child will have them giggling, and not with mirth. If you complain about their tendency to sleep in front of the TV, or worse, you trample over their newly planted baby oak in a fit of pique, be sure that trying to get hold of that Taurus date will be like trying to break into Fort Knox! Anything less that “straight down the line behaviour” will have you floundering in the mud!

GEMINI

If, for whatever reason, you do not show up for a date, expect this communicative sun sign to inundate you with calls “demanding” an explanation. Your behavior was unacceptable, and rather than retiring into sulky silence, Gemini will dig at you until you give them a “logical” explanation. Expect to be flattened by their subsequent sarcastic quip, which will teach you never to mess with the creepy Gemini twin again. A wound-up-Gemini is a best-apologized-to Gemini, as they are the most efficient date deal breakers in town.

CANCER

If you ignore their pretty moon earrings, and fail to comment on how beautiful they look in the moonlight, you might find romantic Cancer “unavailable for a few weeks”. But making jokes about Cancer’s mother, will have them retiring into their shell forever. You have deeply wounded their lunar sensitivity and that is the ultimate when it comes to Cancer dates. Better you get digging a hole in the sand.

LEO

If you complain publicly at the dinner party that Leo’s lovingly prepared mixed salad had a tad too much vinegar in it be prepared to see that Lion loyalty fly out the window faster than a rocket to Mars. Anything less than complimentary attitudes will turn the Leo lax. If you have subsequently expressed a public display of outrage in front of esteemed company, you will be expelled from their presence and deal breaking will be the least of your troubles.

VIRGO

Don’t turn up to your Virgo date with spinach between your teeth. Make sure your underwear is clean and that your overall attitude is upbeat. Wingers, hangers on, and lazy blighters will get short shrift especially if Virgo cottons on that you care not a jot about the moral ways of the world. Mother Theresa is their pin up girl, so no ignorant comments about spiritual issues please; otherwise they will break their deal and yours without a second thought.

LIBRA

If you go barging around their shop front in hobnailed boots, Libra will show you the door. Insensitive behavior, sarcastic quips and tasteless fashion coordination will get your Libra looking for another love. Super short miniskirts and troglodyte perceptions of politics and culture, will also get the Libra in a huff; so if you are expecting a second date, forget it, Libra will break your pact in minutes. In fact you could see them gracefully walking in the opposite direction.

SCORPIO

Sharp Scorpio will see through your plan B with their eagle eye! You have already been through plan A, which was that they would fall in love with you. The B plan was realizing that they were jealous and not telling them you were thinking of going on a date with another. If Scorpio gets you are two timing, you will be sent to hell to freeze over forever. Infidelity is the ultimate Scorpio deal breaker! Don’t you know, they are the only ones permitted to entertain lovers!

SAGITTARIUS

All you have to do to break a Saggy deal is throw one of your jealous tantrums. Saggy could turn nasty and tell you to go pound sand well into the Sahara desert. This sign is into wind in the hair, moral and emotional freedom. If you are ready to apologise and go with the motorbike racing along sea shores all still could turn out well. But if you start on the winger spiel about how cold you are and how your make up is smudged, expect a deal breaking incident to happen. Sporty, happy, upbeat people are Saggy’s best mates.

CAPRICORN

Cappy hates vulgar language. But if you are one of those people who is acting to please, and suddenly lets rip with an outbreak of dirty jokes expect a down turn. Worse, if you turn up to the date in leggings, Cappy will go out of character and break the deal without signing on the dotted line. They are into old fashioned attitudes, public vulgarity and tasteless dress codes are likely to upset them, especially as they are waiting for the celebrity to show up.

AQUARIUS

The Water Bearer wants you to “believe” in the cosmic plan, so nihilistic attitudes to senior citizens just will not cut the mustard. Even though these sun signs are inclined to dress in “alternative gear”, this is but a front for a deeply moral person. So don’t show up to the date saying horrid things about innocent animals, friends or children! At that point this deal breaker will go ballistic, and you will probably never see them again, except if you hang out on Glastonbury Tor!

PISCES

Do not snigger at spiritual matters, or crack jokes like “I saw Elvis he was sitting between me, the Bigfoot and the UFO” because they will not cut the mustard with this sensitive angel fish. The Pisces sees nothing funny about ETs, they were probably kidnapped by a mother ship, and do not appreciate cynics. These are indeed wise people who never walk away from playing leapfrog with a unicorn. So if you can’t get your New Age credentials sorted, expect to never see their aquarium again!