Alright love, brace yourself for this cheeky bit of star-gazing. Everybody’s got the right to flap their gums, you know? Be it your best mate, the bloke next door, or that one weird cousin, even if they’re spouting utter twaddle, lend ’em your lugs, love. If you start acting like the bloody thought police, they’ll get their knickers in a twist, faster than a seagull at a chip shop. Oh, and here’s your lucky bit, darling: your lucky phrase is “Always carry a spoon”. You never know when you’ll find an unattended trifle!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!