Blimey, you’ve got as many get-rich-quick schemes as a fox has fleas, but let’s face it, you’ve got about as much financial sense as a one-legged duck in a piranha pool. Better to leave the dosh decisions to those who can tell the difference between a stock and a livestock. Ring up your mates and family today, but remember, not every brainwave you have is the next sliced bread. Some of them are about as useful as a chocolate teapot, and we wouldn’t want you making a dog’s dinner out of your future, would we? Lucky Charm: A penny. It’s not just for luck, it’s also about as much as your financial advice is worth, love.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!