Blimey, brace yourself for a shocker, mate. You’ll have a blast from the past popping up like a bad penny. Yeah, some cheeky sod you haven’t set eyes on since forever will be dropping in unannounced, catching you with your knickers in a twist. This whole charade will be as welcome as a fart in a lift. Meanwhile, your housemate, bless their cotton socks, is on a mission to turn your routine on its head. They’re tossing out ideas about divvying up chores like they’re Gordon bloody Ramsay reorganising a kitchen. Suddenly, scrubbing the loo and hoovering the carpet are looking more like a military exercise than mundane housework. But hang on, you’re starting to fancy this homebody lark, aren’t you? You’ve become a bit of a hermit crab finding value in your shell, haven’t you? Well, good on ya. Lucky charm: A four leaf clover. I’d suggest you try finding one in your backyard, but with your current domestic duty schedule, who has the bloody time? The clover is as elusive as a polite word out of my gob, but if you can find one, maybe you’ll get lucky and your unexpected guest will bugger off.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!