Oi, you lazy sod, stop palming off all the jobs you can’t be arsed to do onto others. You’re inching like a snail on Valium towards something that you reckon is dead important, mate. But here’s a thought: keep your gob shut about it and trust your gut. The more you manage to not cock it up, the more smug you’ll feel. Your inner self knows what’s best for you, even if it’s as clueless as a bat in daylight. Lucky charm: A rabbit’s foot. Not so lucky for the rabbit, was it? But then again, it never had to read your horoscope.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!