If you find yourself as useful as a chocolate teapot, now’s your chance to stop being a numpty and sign up for a course under the reign of a strict taskmaster. This drill sergeant will be gobsmacked at how quickly you soak up info like a bloody sponge. You’ll know you’ve not only charmed the pants off them, but also earned their respect when they crack a smile at your cheeky banter instead of giving you a right telling off. Your lucky phrase today is “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”. Don’t get too excited, it’s not about your Friday night shenanigans. Stick to your knitting and maybe you’ll find that elusive bird.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!