For this bloody day, you’ll have your knickers in a twist over some personal tosh, making you dodge any social shindigs like a rat up a drainpipe – you’d rather be Billy no mates. Some old codger in the family will twig why you’re acting like a right plonker. You’ll be able to natter about your gaff like it’s the bloody Buckingham Palace – quite the silver-tongued devil, aren’t you? Lucky phrase for you: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” – but let’s hope you’re not literally grabbing at sparrows, you nutter.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!