Cor blimey, mate! Yet another cock-up to add to your ever-growing list of botched up plans, innit? Seems like your grand design, carefully crafted with all the finesse of a drunk pigeon, has hit another snag. After having a gander at the health and safety tosh, you might find that some bits of this hare-brained idea of yours are about as achievable as me becoming the Queen. And then there’s that muppet who’s always blowing their own trumpet about how great they are. Well, they’ve turned out to be as useful as a chocolate teapot, haven’t they? Their workmanship is so shoddy, it’s like they’ve done it blindfolded. You’d do better off asking a one-legged cat to do a better job. Lucky Phrase: “A stitch in time saves nine.” Yeah, right. More like a stitch in time saves you from looking like a right plonker when your trousers split in public. So, remember, always have a needle and thread handy, you never know when you might need to stitch up your dignity.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!