Blimey, looks like your natter’s about to take a detour right into the heart of the deep end, mate. You’re not goin’ on about the weather or the footy anymore, no, you’re about to unravel the meaning of life itself. And let’s be frank, you’re as likely to do that as a blindfolded chimp is to solve a Rubik’s cube. So, you best keep it real with your confabulations, don’t go all Billy Bullshitter on us now. If you’re planning to prattle promises, you’ve got to stick to ’em, mate. It’s not a bloody game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Remember, actions echo louder than words, and in your case, they’re bellowing like a constipated walrus. Today, your actions are the lead singer and your words, the tone-deaf drummer hopped up on too much Ribena. Now, for your lucky nugget of wisdom. Your lucky phrase is “tougher than a two-dollar steak,” useful for when you’re trying to describe your mum’s Sunday roast. Just remember to run faster than she can throw a shoe.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!