Blimey, today ain’t the picture-perfect day to let your ticker run amok in chinwags, whether it’s on the telly-phone or on the world wide web. It’s not your usual cup of tea to let your sentimental gibberish overpower your grey matter, but in these bloody hellish times, you might find yourself spouting more tosh than you meant to. Mind you, if you’re both up for a bit of a kerfuffle, you can slog through this mess together. And here’s your lucky charm: a well-sharpened tongue. Use it wisely or you might end up tasting shoe leather more often than you’d like. Remember, it’s not the size of the tongue in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the tongue. Now, that’s a tip worth its weight in fish and chips, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!