Right then, look here you pair of dithering divots. Still got your knickers in a twist over that old squabble, have ya? Well, drop a penny in the swear jar and get it sorted, or don’t, it’s not like I’ve got a horse in this race! Now, I hear there’s been a good old chinwag about a hefty spend that’s got you both moping about like a couple of wet weekends. Well, tough titty, what’s been spent’s been spent. Be like a duck, let it roll off your back. The real issue here, my lovelies, is how you’re gonna pick up your petticoats and trudge on! In the spirit of good luck and all that bollocks, your lucky phrase this week is “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” Take it as you will, but I’d say it sounds like someone’s not getting enough action!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!