Listen up, you self-admiring halfwit. It’s about time you pulled your head out of your arse and realised you’re not the bloody centre of the universe. You’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot in a heatwave, but this week, you’re going to have to start pooling your resources. That’s right, start sharing your crayons and play nice with the other kids in the sandbox. By some miraculous stroke of luck, you might even find a few others who can tolerate your incessant rambling and misplaced sense of self-importance. Together, you might even manage to not completely cock things up. You’ll be like the three blind mice, except there’s a possibility one of you might actually see the farmer’s wife coming. And for the love of all things holy, there’s a whisper of romance on the horizon. Let’s hope for their sake they’re as blind as a bat and as deaf as a post. Your lucky charm this week is a pair of earplugs, perfect for anyone forced to listen to your endless drivel. On the bright side, at least they’ll have a legitimate excuse for ignoring you. Oi! Here�s your lucky phrase, �Blind luck is my middle name.� Use it when you miraculously stumble upon success, it�ll be a bloody laugh!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!