Well, ain’t that a kick in the knickers? You’re about to have a right knees-up, ain’t ya? Time to splash out on that little fancy you’ve been eyeballing – you know, that one you reckon you bloody well deserve. Maybe it’s a blingy bit of kit or a sticky toffee pudding that’s fatter than your nan’s ankles. Go on, treat yourself, you cheeky bugger. As for chums, it seems you might stumble upon a few new ones today. Likely to be as mad as a box of frogs, but as they say, variety is the spice of life. There’s one special loony that’ll tickle your fancy. It might turn out to be a right corker if you’re brave enough to poke it with a stick. As for your lucky charm – keep an eye out for a red double-decker bus. Spot one of those, and you’re in for a lucky streak. Just don’t get hit by it. It’s a right laugh until you become a human pancake.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!