It’s time to get your knickers in a twist over your far-off pipedreams. Have a chinwag with those old codgers whose opinions you fancy, and gather their two pennies. A spot of down-to-earth counsel might just steer you away from the cliff edge. But don’t forget, sweetheart, at the end of the day, it’s your own bloomin’ circus and you’re the head clown. Now, for your lucky titbit: ‘A stitch in time saves nine.’ But in your case, that stitch might just keep your trousers from falling down in public. Might want to make that your personal mantra, eh?”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!