Blimey, not half a tick goes by without your rampant lust for the weird and the wacky going off like a cheap firework. You’re not just ready for a change, you’re gasping for it like a fish out of water. Remember, life isn’t just about climbing up the greasy career ladder, it’s about ditching those naff habits and last season’s fashion faux pas. Right, here’s your lucky bit, you jammy git: Your lucky phrase is “I’m as lucky as a two-bob note in a banker’s wallet.” Use it wisely, or just when you’re down the pub. It’s bound to get a giggle, unless you’re in a room full of bankers. In which case, you’re on your own, mate.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!