Bloody hell, you and your old ball and chain are at it again, aren’t ya? Got a bit of a domestic on the boil, it seems. If I were you, I’d suit up for a bit of a barney tonight, ’cause things are about to kick off. You’re going to need to plant your feet firmly on the ground, unless you fancy becoming a doormat. But don’t worry, you’ve got your motley crew of family and friends ready to back you up. Makes it sound like an episode of Eastenders, doesn’t it? Your lucky item this week is a red herring. Not an actual fish, mind you, but the metaphorical kind. Perfect for throwing your partner off the scent when you’ve buggered something up again. “What’s that? No, love, I didn’t forget to take the bins out. I think you’ll find there’s a red herring in the kitchen.” See, works a treat!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!