Well, love, if you’re not too busy picking your nose and scratching your arse, you might notice that using that little grey cell rattling around in your noggin could actually get you somewhere. You’re like a dog with two dicks in your job – everyone’s looking up to you, probably wondering how you’ve managed to keep that seat warm so long without doing a sod all. And then, out of the blue, like a fart in a spacesuit, they’ll ask you to take on a special assignment. This ain’t no mission impossible, darling, it’s more like a mission to the bloody corner shop. And you know what? You’ll bloody love it. And here’s your lucky charm, sunshine – a shiny penny. But don’t spend it all at once, eh? You might need it to pay off your brain cell for all the hard work it’s done recently. And remember, a penny saved is a penny earned. Or in your case, a penny found is a miracle.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!