Well, your halo’s shining so bloody bright today, it’s no wonder folks are flocking to you like seagulls to a chip shop. Even the blokes who wouldn’t know you from Adam are queueing up for a bit of your time. It’s like you’ve become the bloody Pope overnight. So when some poor sod comes begging for a bit of your precious time, don’t be a nob. If you can, give ’em a hand, you smug git. Your lucky charm today? A four-leaf clover. But don’t get too excited, darling, it’s not going to help you win the lottery. It’s just there to remind you that even with all the luck in the world, you’re still a bit of a tosser.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!