Oi, how are you meant to find your inner Zen, you ask? Start flapping your gums about whatever’s giving you a right old headache. Don’t you dare sit there, stewing in your own juices like a forgotten Sunday roast. Unleash your worries on some mug who’s willing to listen. Spill the beans about your doubts and watch them recoil in horror. Might be a shocker, but they may even give you a pat on the back and say something helpful. And for a bit of fun, your lucky charm is a wonky horseshoe, because let’s face it, your luck’s about as reliable as a chocolate teapot.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!