Alright, darling, listen up. Your mission for the next 30 days, should you choose to accept it, is to stop faffing about and start getting your knickers in a twist over something useful, like upping your game. Reckon you could do with a spot of spring cleaning in your life, so everything isn’t as chaotic as a cat in a bag. Give your noggin a nudge and ponder on how to make your life as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Your future success hangs in the balance, and you’ll do well in a place that’s as supportive as a good bra, harmonious as a choir of drunken sailors, and as aesthetically pleasing as a Picasso painting. Oh, and here’s your lucky charm: keep a rubber duck in your pocket. Why? Because, sweetie, when life gets as tough as old boots, it’s always handy to have something that’ll float your boat. Now, go on and make this month count, or at least make it laugh!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!