Blimey, you’d have better luck organising a piss-up in a brewery than sticking to your usual routine today, mate. Expect everything to go tits up, from your bloody computer having a meltdown, to your appointments being cancelled faster than a reality TV star’s career. And let’s not forget the power cuts – they’ll be popping up more frequently than a politician’s lies. Watch out for some new-fangled contraption worming its way into your life or workspace, like a bad rash you just can’t shake off. Also, some health scare is going to blindside you, probably as you’re scoffing your third packet of crisps for the day. Your lucky charm today is a four-leaf clover. But let’s face it, you’d have a better chance of finding a unicorn in your backyard. Good luck, you’re going to need it!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!