Sometimes it feels like your career and love life dreams are as out of reach as a pint at last orders, innit? You’re carrying more weight than a sumo wrestler after a pie-eating contest and it’s giving you more of a downer than a teetotaller at a wine tasting. Remember, if you don’t keep giving it some welly, you’ll miss out on the pure bloody joy of conquering life’s roadblocks, you muppet. And here’s a cheeky bit of advice for you – your lucky item this week is a rubber duck. Why, you ask? Well, let’s be honest, you need all the help you can get, and maybe its buoyancy will rub off on you. Now grab yourself a pint and keep your pecker up!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!