Right, so you’ve been faffing about like a headless chicken, trying to sort out your dosh situation, believe me, love, it ain’t time wasted. It’s like a Sunday roast, you have to prepare it or you end up with a rubbish dinner. Now, about those squabbles over joint finances, it’s like a bloody episode of EastEnders, isn’t it? Well, don’t you worry your pretty little head, it’ll all be sorted out and you’ll be grinning like the Cheshire cat in no time. As for your love life, things are looking as rosy as a drunk’s nose. You’re finally getting on the same wavelength with your other half, it’s like a blooming soap opera love story, minus the drama. You’re as content as a pig in muck with the way things are going, and let’s be honest darling, you ain’t exactly Gwyneth Paltrow, so count your blessings, eh? Now, here’s a lucky charm for you – a shiny two pence piece. I know it’s not much, but let’s face it, with your spending habits, every little helps. And remember, the motto of the day is “A penny saved is a penny earned”, unless you’re a banker, in which case it’s “A penny saved is a customer screwed over”.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!