You’ve been on pins and needles for a chinwag with your mate, haven’t you? But crikey, they’re only looking to download their moans and groans onto your lap. You’re as determined as a bulldog chewing a wasp not to let your knickers get in a twist, because that would only be like chucking a pint of petrol on their bonfire. Do yourself a favour, scarper and give ’em a wide berth till they’ve got their knickers untwisted and their smile back in place. And here’s a little tidbit for you, love. Your lucky phrase is “I’m as chuffed as a dog with two tails.” Use it wisely and remember, it’s as much use as a chocolate teapot if you don’t say it with a cheeky wink.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!