Well, love, you’re in a right pickle, ain’t ya? You’re like a drunken lass in a chip shop – everything’s topsy-turvy and you can’t tell your kebab from your battered sausage. But hang in there, sweetie, ’cause this tangled mess you’re in might just turn out to be the best thing since sliced bread. It’s like finding a tenner in a pair of jeans you’ve not worn in yonks. So, stick a fork in your dread, ’cause it’s done. Expect a life as organised as a librarian’s sock drawer to emerge from this kerfuffle. And here’s a bit of luck for ya: your lucky colour is fuchsia. That’s right, fuchsia! It’s like someone vomited a unicorn. Wear it with pride, darling. Or better yet, don’t.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!