Astro Financial Signs

Tick Here if:

· You reach for the crème de menthe at the sight of your partner’s spanking new BMW motorbike parked in the drive.

· Your girlfriend prefers to buy Dior anti wrinkle cream than pay the gas bill.

· Your boyfriend’s last attempt at saving was at the age of eight, when he broke his piggy bank to buy a batch of girly magazines.

· Pounds shilling and pence slip through the holes in your partner’s brain.

· “Overdraft” is your girlfriend’s mantra.

· When your boyfriend walks into the bank, the manager press the alarm button.

If you have ticked at least two of the above, you and your partner need financial counselling, or an astro detox.

ARIES

Aries and Leo are both fire signs, you are the Aries and your honey is a Leo. You are great in bed, great socially. You admire each other’s beauty, personalities and awesome charisma, and you burn like twin flames in the night. But when it comes to financial management you will be running around like headless chickens. “What” he will scream, “You actually bought those useless Miu Miu shoes!” “What you will screech”, “you actually put a down payment for that absurd Lagoon Catamaran!” The best solution is to work on abundance issues with a shrink, or run for the hills with the bailiffs on your heels.

TAURUS

If you are a down to earth Taurus and you like your piggy bank well placed on the mantelpiece linking hands with an Aquarian might cause financial friction. You will be secretly depositing your money in an offshore bank. Why? Out of pique! You can just about “get” your “off the wall” Water Carrier’s eccentric ideals, but you will be sick of seeing that Aquarius stocking up the freezer to bursting point with herbal dietary supplements. You will also bite your lip when you realize the Water Carrier has a treasure chest buried in the back garden. Yes, Aquarians pay more than enough attention to their savings, but will row over who pays for a night out at the movies, and even resort to raiding your mutual account when the bills mount up! Couple counselling is recommended!

GEMINI

If you are airy Gemini, you will put your money where your mouth is; hence you will have a lot to talk about with your bank manager. You will have a tendency to spend spontaneously on what you like, whether it is the boyfriend, girlfriend, sky diving lessons, or the most up to date computer, iPod, TV etc.! Mr. Mercury makes you quick silver in approach to love and communication. So if you fall for a dreamy Pisces you could be driven bonkers by their silent gaze. To get them to notice, you spend thousands on a huge aquarium for their birthday when all they really wanted was to enrol in scuba diving lessons. Best to do a shamanic sweat lodge if you want this financial arrangement to work!

CANCER

If you are a fail-safe watery Cancer, who has a delectable collection of tea cosies, and loves money piling up in “blue chip” accounts, being tied at the hip to a Libran partner, could have you snapping your crab claws like castanets. You will resent Libra’s tendency to lend hard earned money to down on their luck mates. You will loathe partying with fashionistas. You will cringe at their penchant for smart soft furnishings. As they accused you of being “Scrooge-like” just because you refused to buy a 100 quid fairy for the Christmas tree you book an appointment with the divorce lawyer. If your Libra love is carried away in a straight jacket screaming “Meanie” because you shattered their treasured equilibrium do not be that surprised! A quickie divorce in Las Vegas was the answer, but you do not want to spend the money to get there.

LEO

You are a lovely Leo with a smoothly brushed mane, so money will be spent on entertaining, beauty products and home furnishings. “The show must indeed go on” for luxurious Lions, but get a Scorpio partner in on the picture, and “Misery” was not just the name of a horror film! It all started so well, you saw each other across a crowded room, and the sexual chemistry was a 9.5 on the Richter scale. But then, when Scorpio sniggered as your investments crashed on the stock market with an “I told you so” expression on their face, those long emotional shut downs began. Water Sign Scorpio will put out Leo’s flame, and start “A War of the Roses to end all Wars of the Roses.” Best to seek out a Brazilian Shaman to heal your shattered heart!

VIRGO

While an earthy Virgo sensibly tots up household expenses on their adding machine, a fiery Saggy partner is gallivanting off to “invest “ in camping equipment for his hike up some mountain. “What”, Virgo yells, “don’t tell me you actually went for that Ultra portable rapid deployment Emergency Mountain Shelter, don’t you know this month we have to pay the private school, the gardener, the gas bill, the water rates, etc?” Saggy cares not one fig that Virgo gets up at dawn to check bank statements untidily piled on the fridge or even if that frown on the forehead has aged them ten years. As your earth fire combo acts up a storm, Saggy rushes for the Himalayan Mountains after a flurry of accusations so Virgo’s only solution is to fall in love with a reasonable Libra, who will be kind to people who suffer financial angst.

LIBRA

You are a beautifully dimpled Libra; your air sign draws you to good-looking ideas. Granted it takes you a while to choose between the Ferragamo or the Dolce and Gabbana outfit but hey who’s perfect? Beware of the Capricorn mate however; they are a stubborn, fixed sign just like you! You will argue about where to put your savings, glaring at each other’s adding machines with loathing, and waving scraps of skew whiff calculations in each other’s face. “If we spend on the skiing holiday instead of Florida; get the roof fixed instead of going for the summer house it will all be fine!” No it will not be fine! Sorry to disappoint you. As you judge your Cappy’s absurd character flaws and they laser beam your superficial aesthetic tendencies, you will never agree on where the cash is going, even if you win the Lottery. Best to talk business with the divorce lawyer!

SCORPIO

Profound water sign Scorpio waits for that high quality product. So it is not in the store, so who cares they will put their name down on the waiting list. Then along pops Aquarius lover who lost Scorpio’s purse with all the credit cards, and money for the telephone bill! Scorp got so irate they forgot to wait. Scorp does not care a fig if their Aquarian “nut case” was thinking to invest in the world’s fastest onion chopper, being so absent minded is the pits! It all came to a head when Aquarius tried to break into Scorp’s piggy bank because they could not find their own. Enough is enough! Scorpio will not shed too many tears when they see that Aquarian ride off into the sunset in their blue Smart Fortwo, instead they will ring a gorgeous Piscean they bumped into at the supermarket, they seemed to be waiting for something really good too! Probably the same product, they must be soul mates!

SAGITTARIUS

You are a typical Saggy, and have an ongoing love affair with travel agents. Your Cancer partner is crying at home. They don’t want you to spend hard earned cash on a trip to Nepal, they want you to cuddle under the covers. But you are sick of their leg warmers and cosy pillows, you want to drink herbal tea in Kathmandu, and you don’t care how much it costs to get there. Your relationship has been on the brink for a while now. You want to run free, your Cancer the crab wants to walk backwards. You want to climb Everest; Cancer wants to make quilts. You are tired of all that watching the grandfather clock to check what time you got home from the pub, all that waving of telephone bills in your face. You are up front about your long distance calls to Australia, so it hurts! You are going to ask your guru what to do next? Saggys are universal and highly spiritual. Practical crabs are just not their thing!

CAPRICORN

You are a careful Capricorn with a financial finger on every pulse. Mating with a roaring Leo can be a challenge. Yes you like all that status and “good looks thingies”, but you know that if you spend before you earn, you are going to get the bank manager depressed. Where to go together then, other than on one of those month long arguments? The fact is eventually your fab Leo will go off in a huff you because you are Saturn’s friend, one of the few in the astro contingent who really gets on with that planet. You and Saturn will nag that Leo so hard, their manes will get in a twist and they will sulk in the undergrowth just because they spent more than they should have on a pair of party shoes. Expect a quickie divorce.

AQUARIUS

Fun Aquarius, is a happy bunny on the top of a Himalayan mountain, or flaunting a hot Johnny Depp hair cut to admiring buddies, even though their name is Mildred! The new and expensive hairstyle upset the Taurus lover who cannot see how useful it is to spend on a haircut! An Aquarius is an independent soul. It is their tendency not to talk about today’s financial crisis, but invest in tomorrow’s “Save the Earth Worms Project”. A Taurus hates it when Aquarius invites friends round and they call each other “old girl, “old man” and “my bestest friend” when they play scrabble till the early hours. One might find a Taurus slurping “Mooo” as they go back to mother, with their matching suitcases in tow. Sad, really all that water carrier wanted was a friend!

PISCES

You are a beautiful Piscean, dreaming of a “Swim with the Dolphins” holiday in Florida as you block out the Gemini chit chat about spending too much on your deep sea diving equipment. You don’t go for Gemini’s “get real” attitude, you know they are throwing away money like it is out of fashion. You have sensibly put your aunt’s inheritance into the hands of the bank manager, and you are not going to listen to any more Gemini lectures about crumbling financial institutions. Let that twin get off on his tangent he does not need you one jot. He is a “know it all” and jaw wagging to friends you never met on his mobile gets on your nerves. He just does not get that infinite universe deal. You swim off gracefully, when you fall in love with that sexy Scorpio in the supermarket, the one who likes expensive “quality” presents.