Horoscopes

Long Distance Relationship by Sign

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Astrology: Long Distance Love

You met a dream girl on your hols, she looked so cute in her beach attire. Only problem she lives in Oz and you live in East Cheam.

You met this guy on an internet dating site. The vibe was hot steam coming out of your ears. He lives in Burkina Faso and you live in Tottenham.

Some say “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, others say “pull the other one!” Even though we have come far, and those mule delivery services and 18th century copper plate hand written letters are long forgotten, Skype “fish bowl” acoustics still cannot ease a yearning heart.

You are a passionate Aries, swept off your feet by a long distance honey that inspires love poems. You dream of them every night, in fact you have morphed from fiery into sensitive, tactless into tactful. You do not have time to do anything other than plan that trip back to Burkina Faso ASAP. An Aires life is action packed. They will refuse to languish on Skype. It is just not their style.

The earthy Parisian Taurus met a Californian dude in a San Francisco Cheese shop. When the Yank passionately kissed “Cherie” au revoir on the “Golden Bridge” they promised they would email. Yet once back in “Gay Paris”, the Taurus amour rethinks long distance love, and being a realistic Monsieur or Mademoiselle they like something they can “grab hold of in a thunderstorm”. Therefore local French kissing is preferred.

You are a chatty Gemini, attracted to the multifarious moods of that “tall and tanned and young and lovely girl from Ipanema”. How exciting it is to have a Brazilian long distance love, even though you have a local love, and maybe even a town and country love too. You miss that wild sexual attraction, so you send “Ipanema” a postcard to remember you by now and then.

Cancers are super sensitive, emotional and pragmatic moon children; they do not get carried away by foreign beauties, unless they drive a decent vehicle. You met such a gorgeous Chinese bloke on the Yongding River though, trouble is you don’t dig spoken Chinese, even though you did cry your “goodbyes” in Mandarin at Beijing airport. Long distance loves are not really for you. Cancers are realistic even though they will never forget that romantic kiss on the Great Wall!

You are a passionate Leo, the centre of your world lies within! That bright burning soul of yours is a soul that digs a good love story. Everyone knows you met the perfect Peruvian on holiday. You have been yelling, sobbing and weeping about the difficulties of your “star crossed love” day in day out. People run and hide when they see you coming. Your mane all in a shambles weeping how the road to true love never runs smooth you are exhibitionist Leo the very best at kicking up fusses about long distance “amour!”

Virgos are modest, they never let rip about their conquests, even though recently it was a Hollywood film star. Like Hugh Grant in Notting Hill, the classic Virgo will stutter, run their fingers through their hair and shift from foot to foot, in a desperate attempt to look cool when faced with that Julia Roberts lookalike. Our handsome Virgo will try to be practical, about the long distance aspects of the liaison however. So even if she lives in Hollywood, and he lives in Notting Hill, he will still wait for her call, as he shakes his fringe from his forehead, mops up his tears and kisses his long goodbye.

The classic Libran gal will wonder if her latest conquest, the Jamaican dude met on that sunny isle seven days ago, feels the same as she does. After much indecision and “pondering”, on the eight day she asks Mr. Handsome if he would share her ice cream! Still deep in thought, our Libran also wonders whether their two day long distance romance will continue on the phone, via Skype, or mobile? One has to make a decision what communication medium to use at some stage. It is very perplexing!

Scorpio boiled like a volcanic spa when he bumped into his soul mate on that Red Sea Scuba Diving Holiday. No matter how cool our Scorpio tried to remain when his honey reached out for him in that underwater cave, it was hard, darned hard! Once back on earth they could not control their overwhelming passion, and long nights of sensual intensity would never be forgotten. So even if he pretends not to be in when she calls, he is still the most complex long distance lover.

Saggys are poster children for long distance relationships. Since they travel a lot they will have had many. Self control will never stop a Saggy passion emerging at the Coliseum, the Taj Mahal, and Jerusalem, under the Northern Lights or in the Great Pyramid of Giza! They have got long distance communication down to a fine art. Credit card bills cite Interflora, international shipping firms and long distance phone bills are cited on a daily basis. Saggys will get the romantic delivery just right, even if their honey pies are ETs visiting earth on an Ashtar Command mission.

Capricorns adore equilibrium, stability, symmetry and good sense. If they cannot control a situation you will not see them for dust. But they did dig the dude they met on the Internet dating site for sure. He has a good CV and swears he is financially solvent. Our Capricorn will start rearranging the décor for the new date’s visit. Most Capricorns will not consider long distance relationships, so if he lives in Manchester and his other half lives in Leeds someone will have to move!

Aquarians were thinking universal peace, on the Rainbow Warrior weekend. They met her in person. She had purple hair, ten rings through her nose, a couple of body piercing in private places, and a diamond implant in her front tooth. What a honey! The two of them are planning a long distance trip to the Amazon. Love relationships mean long distance ideologies to the average Water Carrier, they just cannot wait to live “cheek to jowl” with the Amazonian Indios together. Him and his honey are already living in a tent. So inevitably they stuffed long distance romances!

Your Piscean dude is sighing his heart out ever since he met that soul mate, a gorgeous artist “dressed to kill” in Cannes. The two of them agreed the only option was to flee the brutality of everyday life and live on a desert island. As they dive hand in hand through the toxic Med waves, your Piscean knows he will have more than a lot to dream about for the next six months, especially when the “hard rain starts to fall” on his Peckham bedsit window. Sigh, Sigh indeed! But it has to be said notwithstanding the sighing, fishy dreaming is fun!

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Philip Garcia

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