Celebrity Extra!

The Truth about Cucumbers!

Written by Philip M Garcia

Okay, we all know that cutting cucumbers into little slices and placing them on our closed eyes will keep those dark shadows at bay after a hangover, but what else could we use a cucumber for? In other words, what is the weirdest thing that has ever been done to a cucumber?

It was recently reported that a man with a shower cap on his head and a mud pack on his face waved a cucumber at a home invader. The home invader thought the man was an ET using a ray gun, and ran out the door screaming.

A man tried to murder his wife by shoving a cucumber down her throat! She fought back and made a summer salad out of him.

Did you know some people think cucumbers are baby boa constrictors?

A guy stopped a car in an emergency by waving a cucumber in the air, and screaming “Green!”

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Cucumbers are great for starting a new movement, almost as much as prunes, may be because they are high in fibre and loaded with water.

Recently a famous hairdresser insisted on giving his clients cucumber head packs and making them drink cucumber juice in the hope they grew more hair. Clients reported the results were stunningly gorgeous …..but rather green!

Fire at a garden pest with a cucumber pellet and they will soon be more than an unwanted guest they will be a flowering bush.

Cucumbers don’t only remove dark spots from your skin but from your life. They literally bleach the baddies away.

People were into dog shaming last year, and into chicken shaming this year, they will be into cucumber shaming next year, if we have got our figures right that is.

If you have a worm growing in your gut they will literally scream “Help get me out of here!” when faced with a cucumber cocktail. They hate long, ugly, and hard to handle truths about themselves.

If you have a whole load of cellulite, count on Mr. Cucumber’s phytochemicals and collagens to tone up the appearance of your skin. How? Well just stick hundreds of freshly cut cucumber slices all over your body and keep still for an hour or two. If you can’t be bothered with keeping still use the cucumber slices for a cucumber salad and hope you will still give the cellulitis a run for its money.

If you want to ensure your pussy cat tells the truth, scare them by placing one long cucumber near their feeding bowl. We bet they will finally confess to having nibbled all the cup cakes.

Seriously never eat a Mexican Cucumber. 240 people did and suffered nausea and diarrhoea. They contracted Salmonella Poona a rare but very green disease.

A book called “Fifty Shades of Green!” is soon to be published. Best seller material, it explains in gory yet sensual detail about how cucumbers can be used in various unmentionable places. The mind boggles.

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Philip M Garcia

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